@Robodog

Quote:

I don't yet have it in me to forgive these people for their deeds. As a Christian (crappy one), the good Lord commands that I do so and it is only with his help I'll get'er done. Setting aside future forgiveness, I will never forget.

It is prudent and right to not forget. We only learn from experience if we remember.

The thing I am struggling the most with is the change in relationships with my in-laws, who are very committed Christians, more generous and loving than me by orders of magnitude. But they got the damn shots because they thought that that was the "Christian," loving thing to do. I feel betrayed. There is no rational reason for that, they certainly didn't do it as anything personal against me -- indeed, they got the shots before I even knew, or I might have tried to talk them out of it. (And they certainly never pressured me in any way.) But though it makes no logical sense, it still FEELS like betrayal.

I think what it really is, is grief. Grief that the relationship we had for so many years is altered in some fundamental way and, while we are still friends, the old trust and intimacy is gone and cannot be restored.